Transitions

Goodness sakes, where have I been?
Well, I can tell you where I was the other night--out bathing in my claw foot tub under the cedar trees, looking at the sentinels shadowed against the night sky. I wanted to type about the similarity between the transition time in giving birth and the transition when creating something/art because I had read this blog entry of a lady(Red Dirt Mother) who had done just that-comparing life and giving birth, it was great.
I lay in the warm water of the bath, gazing at the cloudy night sky and realized that although that was terribly poetic and I loved it when I read someone else do it, I didn't have an agonizing transition with either birth. I lay in the bath tub, spooning warm water over myself and felt very relaxed. That writing approach wasn't going to work for me.
I did have an agonizing transition with this artistic endeavor however. Friday I was finishing up the last Hopscotch game, how did I miss that one, when the frackin' sewing machine jammed up. The needle would not come back up and the bobbin wouldn't spin and the mother fracker wasn't budging an inch!! I was so tired. I felt like I had screwed up Thanksgiving with friends, I had been sewing all day Thanksgiving and now the day after and now the sewing machine was broken.... I just left the damn thing and walked out the door, and off into the woods. I was a failure!!! I had decided that I wasn't going to make any money even if I sold every single game, cuz my original math was wrong and that was disappointing, to put it mildly! I sat on a giant rock and sobbed. What a waste of time! What a waste of money!! I could have been spending all this time and energy hanging out with my kids, or reading, or cleaning my dirty ass house. But, no I had to have some frackin' idea to make shit. Lame.
Then I was distracted by a the high pitched screech of the eagle that nests on the land. No, I realized that my math had been right to begin with, I was wrong just now. I would make money. What an idiot! I laughed at myself. What an idiot. I wandered back home and fixed the sewing machine and finished sewing. I'm so glad to be done with this whole thing. I don't have time for my crazy artistic endeavors. No one cleans the house, Bruce has to cook too much, no one does the laundry, who teaches the kids? who reads to them, who plays with them, listens to them talk on and on, pushes them on swings? who has energy to give them? If the mom is too tired and pre-occupied the house hold falls apart. Luckily I love being a mom, I'm not too big on constantly cooking or doing laundry. But, it's okay.
I miss my baby who died. I thought about her as I lay in the tub. I read that dreaming about being pregnant doesn't indicate pregnancy. It usually means the birth of something new in yourself, something creative. I dreamed I was pregnant the night I conceived. Then the baby died. It's been the longest and most painful transition of all the births. I guess this time I birthed something creative. I made something again, it's been years. I guess that was what my dream was about. I wish I could have laid in the warm water and dribbled water over myself to get through this one.....

Need to get a sign like this....

from Free Range Academy

May the Force be with you

With so many things to like about the new President-elect, my favorite is the reminder that it is our responsibility and honor to create and keep an eye on our Government. I think we, as a Nation, have forgotten that citizens make up this country. We shouldn't sit back and let others do this that and other, and then complain about it. Or let the Government pay our bills without changing our situation so we don't need that help any longer. We have become complacent and lazy quite honestly. Myself included. I will keep a better eye on DC and the actions of the United States Government.

I suppose I should say something interesting....
I've been so darn busy between doing costumes for the local Shakespeare company (fun) and making indoor carpet games for the Holiday Bazaar (Saturday after Thanksgiving) on top of all the normal life things-hair cutting, home schooling, house chores, harvest activities and canning, pickling, drying and baking, putting the garden to bed for the winter, J's birthday, supply runs to the Mainland (exhausting) and training for a half-marathon,,, well, I'm just plum tired!

time travel

I changed my clocks, there is much less lightness at the end of the day, a wee bit more at the beginning. I still get up before the sun. Seems like this last week and a half, the dark of winter has settled in. Might be the rain, clouds. Mostly likely the tilt of the Earth as we wiggle our way through Space and Time. It is so bizarre and amazing that we are moving through Time and that Time is not a constant. You know, black holes and all that time warping stuff. the universe is expanding, time is moving faster....
When you look at the Stars, you are looking back in Time. What should I look at to look forward?